A word or description heard more often now than ever before and one that is presenting itself in therapy too often these days. But do you really know the truth behind the disorder?
Narcissium is a difficult disorder to detect in people, and it is a disorder which is very difficult to cure, due to the complications of its creation in childhood and the unconscious level at which it functions in those unfortunate to suffer from it. And they do suffer, despite causing much suffering to those around them.
Ok, so how is the disorder formed? Childhood is the root cause and usually it’s because of either neglect or over adoration of the child’s true self. It’s quite technical, so if interested I would encourage you to research further, to all the content of this blog if in doubt....because you will doubt, it’s a common effect of narcissistic personality disorder!
The child’s true self/character is ignored, damaged and frozen in time, hence people suffering from narcissism are often childlike and immature in nature, and in order to feel normal they begin to copy, busy themselves and mimic those they are around to gain a normal level of appreciation and respect.
However, because of the very emptiness they feel inside the sufferer needs more and more adoration to feel ok within themselves. By the age of about 28 the full functioning of the disorder is present, and sadly this is when the decline of both the sufferers and those around them begin to feel the uncomfortable wrath of the disorder.
The sufferer begins to manipulate, in very subtle ways the kind and caring people around them. Belittling, fear triggering and controlling other people’s behaviours, decision making and thought processes to gain power. Gaining power is a narcissists main priority and need, it’s what they need to feel normal! They surround themselves with agreeable and easygoing people to keep a constant supply going, they will help these people out and be kind and easygoing to maintain the supply, but if anyone steps out of line, says “no”, betrays or tries to get one up on the narcissist their rage will become present very quickly.
People around the narcissist learn to behave in the way the narcissist wants them to very quickly and with a degree of unconscious. Often they have seen the anger, unfriendliness, ignoring and discard of those who haven’t behaved as the narcissist wanted, and it wasn’t a pretty sight! I believe many people linked to narcissists have an underlying fear of being push out, therefore are agreeable and stay close. This is often hidden by jovial exchanges and fun times. These types of friends/people are what’s called ‘flying monkeys’ in the psychological word.
Anyone romantically involved with a narcissist are at risk of the side effects more than anyone else. The partner is the main source of supply, and although the love bombing, adoration and charm of the narcissist is “everything a relationship should be, right” there is only one outcome the narcissist is aiming for with these actions. Narcissist consume, control, demand, condemn and make crazy their main supply to ensure nobody else gets too close them, the narcissist needs all of their lovers attention! Don’t get me wrong, the narcissist is kind and caring at times in the relationship, but again this is to confuse both the partner and those looking in on the relationship.
As the narcissist ages, the loss of looks, charm and stature begins to take its toll. Not only are those around the narcissist becoming more aware of their behaviours and noticing strange elements to their friend, the narcissist needs more admiration than ever to keep the grandiose self image alive. The narcissist behaviour becomes more extreme and the people around them feel the pressure, neediness and demands more and more.
In the narcissist mind, it is everyone else’s responsibility if anything goes wrong in life, they are never wrong in their mind. They manipulate situations to ensure the spot light on them, and it will be one of sympathy, care and adoration at all times. If anyone turns their back on the narcissist they will seek to distroy the persons reputation, social network and potential future. Narcissist’s may say they are wrong, but they don’t truly believe they are.....and hope everyone agrees with them.
If you are identifying with this blog and you are in a relationship with a narcissist the common advice is to get out of the relationship ASAP. Easier said than done though, as the love bombing, hoovering tactics, smear campaigns and loss of social relationships, property and finances all have a huge effect emotionally, physically and psychologically. I would get some help from a professional who has experience of this type of abuse, as anything you say will not be believed and often increases the crazy feeling you no doubt are feeling already.
If this blog is ringing bells linked to a boss, colleague or friend I encourage you to reinforce your own personal boundaries against any internal fear, obligation or manipulation you will experience from this kind of character. Also be aware of taking part in any discarding, smearing or emotional damage to another on behalf of the narcissist.
If a narcissist is reading this I encourage you to seek help in changing your internal dialogue so you can begin feeling worthy of yourself in healthy ways.
As mentioned above please do research some more on this topic if you feel the need to, there is a wealth of information on the internet to support this blog from many different angles. (great description and explanation of what a narcissist is - even though some of it is spoken in Russian most is English. https://youtu.be/VhFMKtb9Ej0 And a shorter to the point description https://youtu.be/N_KurxHDBLk
Warm wishes to all.